So if you read below and you read the letter, you'll see that the University of I Can't Say Their Name for Fear of Violating Something wants me to hand over missouritigers.com. If I do so, they won't sue me out of existence. Their reasoning? This website is diluting their good name. I can kind of see that. I often embarrass myself and wish at times I could stand away from me.

That being said, I'm not all that adverse to negotiating a settlement. Here are my terms:

• Every February 5th is Iam4Mizzou Day at the University of Missouri. This will be recognized officially and an email will be sent out from the chancellor's office wishing everyone Happy Iam4Mizzou Day with adequate enthusiasm. When asked about the meaning of this day, officials are to defensively respond "no comment" and change the subject.
  
  
• New president Gary Forsee will use the word "thunderdome" in his next press conference in a confusing, inappropriate way.
  
  
• The three university amigos cc'd on the cease and desist letter will be photographed together wearing missouritigers.com Kitty logo shirts. I said Kitty™ logo All Rights Reserved Property of ME.
  
  
• I get to take a half court shot at a men's basketball game for absolutely no reason.
  
  
• I get to drive the Mizzou helmet car through campus recklessly and will run over a variety of bushes in a wanton fashion.
  
  
• I will get a gold star with Iam4Mizzou on it on a bathroom stall at Faurot.