Last year's Ultimate Mizzou Basketball Preview Guide was spookily accurate. Keep in mind that I not only predicted the entire season at the beginning, but I also predicted margin of victories/losses.

This year's Football Predictions were equally scary. I predicted a 4-4 conference record before the conference began play and accurately blamed it on the spread offense.

So be prepared to be amazed, perplexed, baffled and flabbergasted.

Let me preface this by saying my first impressions of Mike Anderson are very positive. What I'm seeing from how the team plays for him is giving me confidence that we have the right guy. Gone are humiliating losses and humiliating wins. Anderson is a winner. Despite being two thirds the way back from the dead, this program will overachieve under Anderson.

Here we go:

Arkansas CW
Evansville W
Purdue L
Illinois L
Southern W
Mississippi State W
Iowa State W
Texas L
Kansas State W
Kansas CL
Colorado W
Texas Tech W
Kansas State W
Nebraska W
Iowa State L
Kansas CWBSCPCCFP
Baylor W
Oklahoma State L
Oklahoma W
Nebraska L
Colorado W
Texas A&M W

W=Win
L=Loss
CW=Close win
CL=Close loss
CWBSCPCCFP=Close win Bill Selff cancels press conference and commissions fan poetry

For the past two seasons, I have transformed myself into a KU fan at tournament time in an effort to undermine the beaks. The result: "upset" losses to Bradley and Bucknell. Like Superman wearing kryptonite underwear, the task is not easy. Few believed in the Curse after year one, but were at least amused. Year two brought nervous chuckles from the western red socks. Year three? We'll see...

It's too bad that the Big 12 came out and blamed the officials for Missouri's loss to Iowa State. It's all Pinkel has been able to talk about the past two weeks. I'd rather he talk about how Ryan Kock, a fat fullback with 153 yards rushing the entire season, ran up 179 yards on Missouri. Gary, if you want to know why Missouri lost, start there.

Here's a little more insight for the coach: Win and Mizzou fans will love you. Lose and we'll want you fired. In consideration for this unbearable job condition, you'll get an enormous paycheck. If you want a work environment where you can collect said check and have the undying devotion only a mother can give, marry a Wal-Mart heir. Otherwise, if the pressue is too much to bear, we'll find someone else willing to take the heat.

Not far off assuming we beat KU, which at this point looks like a 50-50 proposition:

Official Predictions™

With the jury completely out on Pinkel's football program, Mike Alden jumped the gun and gave him a five year contract extension. While it had appeared the Tigers were an improved program, they were yet to prove it against quality competition this year.

Well we got our answer today as Pinkel's Tigers lost to the hapless, pathetic Iowa State Cyclones. That 7-0 start was an illusion.
Mizzou is now 1-4 the last five games and 1-5 is a distinct possibility. More bizarre play calling, mistakes and penalties were showcased today and have become a Gary Pinkel hallmark.

Some ask,"Why? Why Missouri?"' I'll tell you why. It's a lack of support and commitment from the Board of Curators down to the university president which leads to incompetent hirings like Mike Alden. As long as management doesn't care about sports, Mizzou will flounder. As long as Mike Alden is in charge, we will have lack of decisive action that will make Missouri competitive in sports. In other words, same ol' Mizzou.

#3 KU got tossed by Oral Roberts University 78-71 at Another Field House tonight. I'd say this is a big deal, but after Bradley, Bucknell and Nevada, I think it's getting to be old hat.

Thanks to the passage of Amendment 2, the University of Missouri will soon have infinite depth at every position.

"We cloned Chase Daniel this morning. The little guys are doing pretty well. They and their tiny goatees worked out this morning," said head coach Gary Pinkel. "It's a great day to be a Tiger."

Basketball coach Mike Anderson echoed Pinkel's sentiments. "I haven't cloned anybody. Why would I want 10 guys who miss two foot shots instead of 5? But, I think this will be big for the future."

Athletic director Mike Alden is still confirming with the NCAA whether the facsimiles count against our scholarship total. "It's not clear, but I think it's going to depend on how we use them. Will they be practice dummies, will they be shelved for parts, will they actually participate...that remains to be seen."

Alden confirmed the list of who will not be cloned:

• Sammy Haley
  
• Simeon Haley (redundant)
  
• College Ricky Clemons
  
• Jail Ricky Clemons
  
• Danny Allouche
  
• Barbara Uehling
  
• J.C. Louderback
  
• North Endzone

I was a little dramatic below. Clearly the Texas Tech win was solid and quality despite their record since. They managed to beat A&M and winning in front of that large crowd was a nice accomplishment.

That being said, this team is exactly where you would expect a pretty good team to be. In years past, K-State and Colorado would still be ahead of this team in the North. Fortunately for us, they're down. Moving past them is a function of this as well as improving as a team, but I have to think it's more the former than the latter.

Forget the record. After losing to A&M, I heard how 6-1 was a great record. Then I heard about how 7-2 was a great record after losing to OU and now I'm supposed to cheer for 7-3. The fact is, Mizzou had three chances at quality regular season wins this year and wound up 0-3. With wins against last place Texas Tech, 2-3 K-State and 1-4 Colorado, Missouri boasts no wins against a quality opponent.

I have to believe part of the issue is game day coaching. Missouri's offense and defense have evolved over Pinkel's tenure, but one aspect that's remained consistent is they're extremely simple and predictable. Rarely do I see a play develop where I think Missouri has caught the other team guessing. Under Brad Smith, Missouri could fall back on the scramble, but has no such luxury under Daniel.

Missouri beats teams when they're physically superior. Missouri doesn't beat teams through superior game day coaching.

If Missouri beats Iowa State and KU, some will call the 9-3 season one of our finest. I'll consider it mundane, one in which we beat nine bad teams on a creampuff schedule.

That doesn't mean Missouri isn't on the right track and hasn't improved, but it hasn't shown it yet on the field against a quality opponent.

Still, I can't help but wonder after what I've seen from this staff whether Pinkel can get Mizzou past average.

I realize this is a sports blog, but indulge me for a moment to comment on Amendment 2.

There are three reasons to vote against Amendment 2 that the average person may not be aware of.

First, Amendment 2 bans cloning, then defines cloning very narrowly as the implantation of an embryo into the uterus. This would mean that cloning as we know it from Dolly the sheep would not be "cloning" as defined by Missouri law. The language in this section is extremely deceptive. They can clone embryos all day long under this bill, just as long as none are implanted.

Second, Amendment 2 would require that cloning measures allowed under federal law be made legal in Missouri. Missourians would forfeit their right to control laws on this topic and defer to national opinion. For those who understand constitutional law (I'm an attorney), this should send a chill down their spine. Our nation is a republic of 50 states. The federal constitution is designed to defer power to the individual state unless the federal constitution specifically grants the federal government power. This is important in that it allows states freedom to set its laws and policies and protects us from a tyrannical central government. This amendment would undermine this principle and defer our right to control our laws on cloning and stem cell research to the whims of the rest of the nation. Proponents have gone this route to pull the issue out of the hands of Missourians and put it into the hands of more like-minded states like the liberal northeast.

Third, by defining "cloning" in the constitution, the law would be insulated from court challenges since by definition, the constitution cannot be unconstitutional. Ironically, the extreme left has often used the courts to advance their cause, but in this case, they have cleverly crafted a means of taking this issue out of the courts.

Amending the constitution is a powerful and drastic measure. This deceptive and dangerous language does not belong in the Missouri constitution. Vote NO on Amendment 2.